Anyone who has spent more than five minutes on Facebook has likely seen their fair share of “tattoo fails” – tattoos that are…regrettable, to say the least. While we all find them hysterical, it’s pretty likely that, were it on you, it wouldn’t be near as funny. You may think that, as a reasonably intelligent person that has laughed at many a ridiculous tattoo, you are immune to such disaster, but it takes only the slightest error in judgement to become the proud owner of a permanent mistake. Here are a few tips to ensure that doesn’t happen.

• Check your spelling. Perhaps the most infamous, and ironic, of tattoo fails is the “No Regerts” piece that went viral years ago and remains at the top of every list. You may think it’s your tattoo artist’s job to spellcheck your piece, and yes, they probably should, but when it comes to script, it’s a joint effort. Whatever you write out for them is undoubtedly what they’re going to write on you. If they catch your error, fantastic, but their main focus is on the tattooing itself. If you want script, be sure that you have written it out exactly as you want it tattooed.

• Similarly, if you are getting a tattoo in a foreign language, make sure it says what you want it to. Most English-speaking tattoo artists are not fluent in Japanese or Latin or…whatever the fad du jour is, so when you hand them a Kanji character or a phrase in your grandfather’s mother-tongue, they have no idea whether it’s correct or not. There are more than a handful of people walking around right now with “barn” or “cheese” tattooed on their necks because they didn’t bother to confirm with a native speaker or reliable source that the character they chose was accurate.

• Choose the right artist for the job. Not all “fails” are funny – it’s incredibly tragic when one hopes to get a beautiful portrait of their child, spouse, or parent, and ends up with a grotesque caricature instead. Portraits are among the most difficult of tattoos, and even some of the most highly skilled artists in the world are not comfortable doing them, as realism may not be their favoured style, or they haven’t done enough of them to feel confident. If you want a realistic looking portrait, it’s really important to pour over portfolios, talk to several artists, and be open to their honest opinions.

• Listen to your artist. It would be really easy (and great for their wallets) to just say “sure, I’ll do that” to any idea you have. But a respectable artist cares about more than just money – they care about doing good work that will still make you happy years from now. So when they tell you your idea isn’t so great, you may want to listen. We’ve all seen tiny script on someone’s finger, or the barcode on the inner lip, and to some, that looks super cool. What we are seeing, however, is the brand-spankin-new version of it. Ask those same people what it looks like five years from now, and you’re far less likely to be impressed. I could go into a lot of technical detail, but this artist sums it all up pretty nicely (and with pictures!). Remember, artists make their entire living by doing tattoos – so if they are turning down money, you can bet there’s probably a damn good reason for it.

Though today’s sunshine makes it hard to believe, winter is in fact upon us. For most tattoo shops, this means the slow season has begun. Summertime’s showing of skin and outdoor fun tends to tempt people to get a new tattoo or piercing to show off, so we’ve no shortage of clients in the spring and summer months. What few know, however, is that winter is actually a far friendlier time for body mods.

Fresh piercings require a bit of love for several weeks while they heal. Two important things to keep in mind are that one should avoid swimming – a favourite summer pastime for many – and that keeping the area clean is vital – something that is far tougher to do in the sweaty, outdoorsy months than in the colder, stay-indoors climate of winter.

When it comes to tattoos, there is even more reason to choose winter over summer. As with piercings, swimming must be avoided, and the area kept clean. But on top of that, sunshine is terrible for a new tattoo – the heat and light of the sun dries out your skin, and lends itself to fading ink and a longer healing process. It’s also a lot more uncomfortable. Anyone that has broken a bone in the summer knows the discomfort of the heat under a cast – tattoos are covered when first done, and should be hidden from the sun for several weeks afterwards – staying covered up in the heat is less than pleasant, to say the least. Getting a tattoo, especially a larger piece in a conspicuous area, in the dead of summer often means choosing between two equally poor options: expose your precious new piece of art to the hot sun, and risk damaging it, or keep it covered and dry through the hottest part of the season, leaving you uncomfortable and unable to jump into the cool waters of the ocean or your favourite pool.

Of course, we’re not saying no body mods can be done in the summer. If you are wanting a small piece in an area you’d not be showing off anyway, or aren’t really big on swimming, there’s no reason you can’t get pierced or tattooed at any time of year. But we hope to see a flip in trends – while summer is our busiest time, and winter our slowest, it really should be the other way around. So, if you have been pondering getting a piece but have been putting it off, or are wondering what to get a loved one for Christmas, now may be the time to consider going for it. Happy tattoo season, all!

Over the past year, the I-Kandy blog has reported on newsworthy topics, ongoing stories, and documentaries, books, and sites of interest. As the year draws to a close, so too do some of these tales –while others are just starting to get good. Here is our almost-year-end collection of follow-ups and things to follow.

• In early August, we reported that Arkansas had passed a bill outlawing certain body-mods. At that time, Senate had supported it in a 26-4 vote, but it still had to make it to the governor’s desk. Most expected it would quietly die there, but that is sadly not the case. While a final ruling has yet to be made, the bill has been amended to make the wording less vague – never a good sign that it will be binned.
• Elaine Davidson, long-time record holder for most piercings, won’t be giving up her title any time soon. When we last wrote about her, she had approximately seven thousand piercings – she now claims to have just short of nine thousand. Even we are beginning to wonder where she is fitting them in now. As for her male counterparts, a bit of a battle may be quietly taking place. John Lynch, the world’s most pierced senior citizen, and Rolf Buchholz, the most pierced man, used to be separated by nearly 200 piercings; at last count, however, the margin had narrowed considerably. We’ll be impatiently awaiting the release of the 2014 Guinness Book to see who wins this round.
• Our post on medical and cosmetic tattooing focused mainly on covering scars and applying permanent make-up, but a new practice has gained popularity (and brought a few tears to our eyes). Many women that have had to undergo mastectomies (removal of the breasts due to cancer, or the high risk of) are now opting to tattoo their chests rather than getting implants, or are using tattoos to make their reconstruction look more natural. A tattoo shop in Halifax took note of this and decided to lend a hand – Newcombes Ink offers free nipple tattooing to cancer survivors. A book featuring tattooed survivors is expected next year.
• We’ve mentioned Otzi the Iceman several times, as, at 5300 years old, he sports the oldest still-visible tattoos known to us. A recently discovered Siberian princess, however, has piqued our interest. About 2500 years old, “Ukok” was found with incredibly well preserved tattoos that, shockingly, aren’t much different from some of our own. While Otzi’s tattoos mainly consist of lines and dots, Ukok opted for a mythical creature on her shoulder. With the head of a deer, the beak of a griffin, and Capricorn antlers, Ukok’s shoulder tattoo shows us that, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
• This year has offered up several documentaries that go well beyond the reality t.v. show fad. Flesh & Blood, featuring Steve Haworth (who we mentioned in our post on microdermals) is perhaps our favourite – Steve talks about suspension, innovation, and his thoughts on flesh-as-canvas, giving us a glimpse into the mind of one of the most famous body mod artists of all time. Other must-sees include Body of God, starring Fakir Musafar, and Modify, which explores all types of body mods, and features damn near every famous modder you can think of. Do you have a favourite to add to our list? Leave a comment on our Facebook page with a title or link!

A couple of months ago, my niece got a tattoo. Despite the fact that I work at a tattoo shop, she made the rather unwise decision to have it done by an inexperienced “artist” (and I do use that term loosely) working out of his house. I was, of course, furious with her, and ranted and raved about it for quite a long time. Until I saw the tattoo. At that moment, the soft-hearted auntie in me reappeared, and my anger quickly shifted to whomever had “tattooed” her (I use that term evenmore loosely). The script was almost illegible, there were two images so tiny that I expect they will be little more than black blobs next year, and – get this – the main part of the design had no ink. Yes, you read that right. He had, rather than tattooing her, scarred her with his tattoo machine. She, being young and naïve, did not ask to see the “tattoo” when it was done. He bandaged her up and sent her on her way, and she had no idea until much later that her beloved design was little more than a faint scar. Now, a lot of the blame obviously goes to her for ignoring everyone and going to a scratcher. But, the little defence I can offer her is that no one goes to any sort of tattooist expecting an inkless tattoo. Using ink is a pretty standard part of tattooing. But it gets even worse. This scratcher that had scarred my precious niece told her that we – I-Kandy – had trained him. That was, apparently, why she had trusted him to do it.

Scratchers and frauds – people that claim to be artists, but are little more than conmen with tattoo machines – have always existed, but thanks to the internet, are more common than ever. It takes about thirty seconds of Googling to find a do-it-yourself tattoo kit that can be ordered by absolutely anyone. People looking to make a quick buck (especially people that have a modicum of artistic ability) can, and will, order these kits, buy a box of latex gloves, and voila – they can now call themselves tattooists. Problem is, they are both apathetic and likely unaware of how much more being a tattoo artists entails. One cannot just pick up a machine and go at it. What is an autoclave? What is a pathogen? How do you properly set up? How is a stencil applied? How deep should you go? How many needles should be used? That is just a teeny-tiny sampling of the questions you should be able to answer before you even think about picking up a machine. Scratchers have no concern for such details, however. They don’t care about your health and safety. They don’t care about cleanliness. They don’t care about skill. They care about being cool, and taking your money.

Don’t be my niece. Never go to a “shop” that does not have a business license, an ultra-sonic and autoclave (every reputable shop will be more than willing to show them to you), and artist portfolios for you to view. Never go to an artist working out of their kitchen. And, if your artist claims to have been trained somewhere, call that place and ask about it. People who were trained at a professional shop do not tend to end up working from their dirty kitchen table, unless they were fired for incompetence, or just plain don’t care about hygiene. It is your health, your body, and your tattoo at stake, here – you have every right to question, to confirm, and to hold out for something better.